House of Cards

Every once in a while I get an unshakeable feeling that something is very wrong and it takes me a while to figure out just what it is. I’m in one of those spaces at the moment. Feeling like something big (and potentially disastrous) is going to happen (is maybe in the process of happening) and I am just not QUITE able to put a finger on it or a name to it just yet.  I go to bed exhausted and yet lie awake with a vague feeling of dread.

I have a mile-long “to-do” list between work stuff that needs to get done and things I need to take care of around the apartment. I have days like today where one part of me knows I accomplished quite a bit and another part of me can see only what DIDN’T get done, all the ways that I screwed things up, all the ways I failed.

I live-blogged at a conference this week. Wrote a dozen blogs in 2 days. I have a blog post due tomorrow. I should be doing a better job with my own blogging and personal social media.

The chinchilla cage should have been cleaned out before I went out of town. Now it’s well over a month later and it’s still not done.  I can’t ask Mr. POSSLQ to help because he’s already overwhelmed, stressed, overworked and burning the candle at both ends and in the middle.  We need to move (in about 8 months) but I am absolutely paralyzed with terror at how we’re going to pull it off from both a financial and logistical perspective.  Yes, this would be a relatively small move, geographically.  We pulled off a cross country move (nearly killed each other in the process, but we did it) but the criteria for a new place is myriad in nature and the funding is tight.

To know that someone close to you is stressed and that you contribute to that stress a great deal is not an easy row to hoe. And being the person who is stressed is no picnic either. I imagine I’d bug the crap out of me if I had to be the person sharing an apartment with me. I probably would have killed me a long time ago.

On that note, I believe I will head off to bed. It’s after 5AM and I still have that mile-long to-do list to tackle.