This has been a week of difficult conversations. Conversations about accidents, mistakes and surprises and how the action of not being is still an action with consequences. It has been a week of intention and intervention and slogging through the drivel.
I am dealing with the disappointment of dreams unrealized and projects that seem to have dead-ended and contemplating next steps, burying myself in planning and trying to move forward.
I am intensely tired. The kind of tired for which sleep is not a remedy. Sleep is not the balm for tired that is soul-deep.
Arguments, apologies, acceptance. Wondering if forgive must include forget.
I’m not sleeping well or enough but feel like I am spending far too much time sleeping and far too little time DOING.
I am frustrated with where things are with unpacking. There are things left without places to put them and putting them in the trash is not the correct answer, either. But having them without a place is just stressful and I go out and look and get frustrated and come back to my office and wonder if things will EVER be less chaotic. I need just ONE MORE ROOM. I need to get some sort of storage solution but I’m at a point where the money just isn’t there and having to wait is causing stress. All the steps forward don’t seem to matter when you stub your toe, AGAIN, because there is just not a good place to put THAT.
And there are other solutions that just take time and effort that just isn’t there and it’s not as easy as it sounds and not as easy as it looks and winning the lottery would have been a good solution if not for the fact that it would have necessitated another move, I suppose, but maybe I could just, then, put all of everything in a room and then periodically visit and find homes for things but most of the time employ an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ philosophy.
I had to get my office settled to a certain point because if I have chaos in my work space, I can’t concentrate on getting work done. At least now I can’t look out into the livingroom from my desk and see all of the projects calling “take care of just this ONE LITTLE THING”. I mean, I know that they’re out there (hence the wandering out, looking at things, getting frustrated and coming back into the office), but it helps to not have them constantly visually nagging me (which, I suppose, is what is vexing Mr. POSSLQ).
And not having the answer and not having the resources and dealing with all of the other nagging little things just seems to make the ‘tired’ more intense. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Chaos isn’t quelled overnight. Progress not Perfection. Right?