Pre-Birthday Ennui

My birthday is on Friday (March 10th).  It is a ‘milestone’ birthday. I am happy to report that my Mom is not only still with us but is actually coming to visit for my birthday (wasn’t so sure this time last year…)

Yesterday, I laid down and basically took a sadness nap because I just feel so damned…blah… All of the things I thought I’d have accomplished by this point in my life and I’ve accomplished…nothing. I didn’t have a stellar career, I wasn’t a journalist or a psychologist or even a paralegal (all were possible career choices before I turned 20). I was typically the lowest on the office food-chain for pretty much my entire career. I’ve been married (and divorced) three times.  I am a complete disappointment to my father and my mom is kind enough to tell me that I’m not a complete disappointment to her (but, your Mom sortve has to say that). I’ve traveled very little. I am not (and likely never will be) a homeowner.

I’m not sure I’d have plans if Mom wasn’t coming for my birthday. I had always envisioned this particular birthday as being one where I would be surrounded by friends (and perhaps family). I’m very happy to have Mr.POSSLQ and my Mom around for the occasion.

I remember my parents having a big party when my stepfather hit this milestone. I don’t recall there being much hoopla when my Mom hit the milestone but it was just after she and my stepfather divorced and it was at a time when we didn’t see each other a lot. She was busy finishing up college and I was busy being a dumbass (not toward her in specific, just generally not in the most ‘intelligent’ phase of my life, having just graduated high school and learning the whole adulting thing).

What I can tell you is that I’ve just been generally not feeling too great since around November.  I have moments of okayness, like when I was getting a lovely (free!) piece of Sacher Torte at LaMadeleine on Saturday and the counter lady asked when was my birthday and I said it was going to be March 10th and the lady right behind us in line said “oh! me, too! My birthday is March 10, 1970” (which makes her younger than I am) and I looked at her and, not to be unkind, but I would have pegged her for a good 10 years older than she’s going to be…  Mr. POSSLQ says I have just lead a super cushy life and that’s why I am ‘well-preserved’.  I think it may be a bit more that since my mid-teen years, I’ve been allergic to sunlight (yes, really) and therefore have avoided the sun, which means I did not acquire the ‘leathery’ look so many of my contemporaries seem to have (I attribute the leathery look to the fact that until I was in my late 20’s tanning was still very chic and I know a LOT of people who used to spend time in tanning beds, which I avoided – see aforementioned allergy to sunlight).

Anyhow, hoping things will get better soon…

 

It can’t rain all the time.
The sky won’t fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
Your tears won’t fall forever.

 

 

P.S. Dear AARP – your birthday greeting with the membership card enclosed…NOT HELPING!!

 

 

 

One thought on “Pre-Birthday Ennui

  1. Well, you have reminded me that you’re older than I am – by about six months. (I’d forgotten you were a double Pisces.) As for the feeling blah, I can feel everything you’ve said, but I’ve had that continuously going on a loop for the last ten years. It has not been a fun ten years.

    All I can really say is that when I was 15 I didn’t expect to survive that long, and it’s not any different now. 🙁

    (Oh, and to answer your question that I didn’t answer a couple of posts ago – the kind of paint I need was acrylic so I can paint some canvases. That stuff is expensive.)

    max
    [‘I hope your birthday is better than expected. 🙂 ‘]

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