Losing something or someone we care about can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. It can be a complex and multifaceted emotion that can be experienced in a variety of ways.

The experience of grief due to a loss can be both physical and emotional. People who are grieving may experience a range of symptoms, including sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety. These emotions can be overwhelming and can make it difficult to carry out daily tasks. You may also experience physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and changes in appetite or sleep patterns. It is important to acknowledge these feelings and to allow oneself to experience them fully, rather than trying to suppress them.

It’s important for me to note here that loss isn’t always about someone’s death.  Having a significant change in a friendship or other relationship can lead to feeling that one has suffered a loss.  While less traumatic than permanently losing someone due to their passing, the grief can be just as real and painful.  The feelings of wondering if you could have done something to have changed the circumstances and feelings of being left behind/abandoned are similar to situations in which the death of an individual was, perhaps, in some way untimely.

And that is the loss I am encountering. I am the first to admit that I have a super hard time with this sort of situation (not that anyone has an EASY time of it) and there are myriad reasons for that. I know that what this person is moving on to do will benefit them. But knowing that I will cease to be an important part of their life is something that I am struggling with very much.  Feelings of being unwanted and unnecessary have got me feeling sad.  I absolutely know that what happens next in my friend’s life is a good thing for them and I am happy for them. But, honestly, I am pretty damn depressed about what it’s going to mean for me.  And I don’t believe that those things are mutually exclusive.

I am trying to be gentle with myself and know that this isn’t something I can have a conversation about. So, I’m blogging about it to get it out of my head so that, hopefully, I can somewhat gracefully get through it all.  Truthfully, I will miss the way things have been. But I understand, too, that the only constant in life is change. And I’ve only recently been able to admit that I do not do well with change.  I’m sure that, in time, it will all be fine… it just doesn’t feel that way right now.